# i know its rude but....



## dicko69 (Feb 13, 2012)

hey everyone i know its kinda rude and sorta inappropriate but.. i do alot of offshore kayak fishing , like sometimes 30- 60 minute paddle to dry land, and sometimes when i need to pee it has to be done from my kayak which in swell and wind chop can be very difficult .... anyone found a non messy way of doing this??? 
ive tried a few methods but they all seem really awkward and kinda messy ....


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## Levi (Nov 24, 2008)

Hahaha, GREAT topic! I can't wait to see the responses!

If its flat, stand up. If its choppy, so far i have manage to hold it until i get in. But for sure some day it will happen that i can't hold it.... 
I'm thinking a large, open mouth bottle might be the safest option?

i think the commentary on this one could be interesting


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## dicko69 (Feb 13, 2012)

dude it was choppy and there was a bit of swell today ... and i did hold it until i was bout to piss my pants , first i got up on my knees ...nup didnt work was way too sketchy too felt like i was gonna roll the yak , i ended up putting my legs over one side and peeing pretty much down the side of my kayak ...i was just happy it wasnt all over myself ....
yeh from now on i will be taking a milk bottle or something similar although im still not sure it will be that safe...


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## Huwie (Mar 16, 2008)

Hobie drink bottles seem made for this. God knows they're impossible to drink from, but a pleasure to pee in! 0_o


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## dicko69 (Feb 13, 2012)

wat do u mean just piss ??? i only ever wear boardies in my yak but dude piss soaked pants and a piss soaked kayak seat isnt cool ...


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## emufingers (Aug 11, 2010)

http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/0-8L-Camping ... 0784277799 can be used by both genders and would be classified as a bailer under boating regs


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## dicko69 (Feb 13, 2012)

hahahahaha please click on that link above and read the item description hahahaha ....is that for real ??? it would work ....


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## dicko69 (Feb 13, 2012)

and i reckon i could put my saltwater yabbies in that thing too ...


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## Levi (Nov 24, 2008)

Gatorade bottle could be totally dodge... think about the volume, imagine you do all the effort to piss in it... then get right to the rim only to have to cut off right at the last minute... or just deal with the overflow negating all the effort you have just gone to!


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## dicko69 (Feb 13, 2012)

im going out to currarong again tomorrow i will no doubt be trying a few of of these ideas out to find the most .....hygienic way i spose..


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## Guest (Sep 22, 2012)

I just hang it over the side and try not to get it wet as I found the water was very cold today


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## Nativeman (Sep 6, 2005)

I have always used the milk bottle..or I do fish with a bloke that pisses into a funnel connected to a hose that he points down through his scupper holes...Or just stand up and piss..so many ways, not that hard.


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## GregL (Jul 27, 2008)

Nativeman said:


> not that hard.


Thank goodness.


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## Guest (Sep 22, 2012)

At least you have scupper holes. Try taking a piss in a stealth while in a wet suit.


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## koich (Jul 25, 2007)

If you're super concerned try these

http://www.ilcnsw.asn.au/items/676

But instead of the leg bag just connect the sheath to a hose and down the scupper.


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## keza (Mar 6, 2007)

Scoot forward and use a scupper hole, that's what they're for...... aren't they ?


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## ryan (May 30, 2012)

yeah scupper hole or were the mirage drive slots in for me had a few boats go past last time dont realy care i figure u gotta go when u gotta go and least the scupper holes mean it doesnt go on your yak and there self cleaning


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## mangajack (Jul 23, 2007)

I always paddle out with my sunnies in a large ziplock bag that becomes a second bladder whilst offshore and not getting the piss all over me. Clean dry sunnies and a convenient and easy toilet that weighs less than anything else on board.


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## kayakone (Dec 7, 2010)

gra said:


> dicko69 said:
> 
> 
> > wat do u mean just piss ??? i only ever wear boardies in my yak but dude piss soaked pants and a piss soaked kayak seat isnt cool ...
> ...


What Gra says. Plus...

Dicko69 - you seem to be revolted by the though of having piss on you. May I ask a question? 
_
Do you view piss as being contaminated_? *It isn't*. It contains nitrogen in the form of uric acid (which is where the odour comes from) and other water soluble waste products, such as excess vitamins (if you are taking say vitamin supplements). _ Piss is completely sterile_ - it contains absolutely *no* bacteria. If it did, you would have a (very serious) bladder infection, and would be extremely unwell.

I wouldn't stress about a bit of piss on your boardies, in fact I piss a dozen times a day into my lycra, and there's nothing wrong with me. :shock: Actually many sea kayakers do the same (you don't go breaking a spray skirt in big seas). It simply won't hurt you... your skin won't rot, you won't get sick, you won't get a rash, and as far as cool goes, who cares?

If you're worried about the smell, pour a litre of sea water over your boardies,or..


Muzfox said:


> Could always see it as an opportunity to practice getting back on your yak after a "refreshing" dip


 This is good advice, and good safety practice.

Relax man.

trev


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## dru (Dec 13, 2008)

emufingers said:


> http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/0-8L-Camping-Travel-FeMale-Bed-Pee-Urinal-Bottle-No-Cap-/220784277799 can be used by both genders and would be classified as a bailer under boating regs


Finally something that might have enough girth.

Seriously, get wet... Or go for a for swim.


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## dicko69 (Feb 13, 2012)

some really good responses here ...i made up a bit of hose that will go down the scupper hole ...
im still not that keen of gettin home and smelling like sweat bloodd guts and urine...i just got a new kayak seat aswell so im not pissing on it yet ...
and as for taking a quick swim or jumping in the water haha no thanks ive seen some pretty big sharks where im fishing ....


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## rocky (Oct 23, 2008)

Get a 2L icecream container put it between your legs and drop the oldfella out the bottom of your shorts. Dont even have to get up or move out of your seat. Oh yeah when finished tip it over the side and wash with sea water.  :lol:

Cheers & Beers
Rocky


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## Evoids (Jan 10, 2009)

rocky said:


> Get a 2L icecream container put it between your legs and drop the oldfella out the bottom of your shorts. Dont even have to get up or move out of your seat. Oh yeah when finished tip it over the side and wash with sea water.  :lol:


I've got a small bucket I use the same as this. Much like the small M & M buckets you get. Pee in the bucket, tip over side. No mess. Bucket also doubles as a cover for your junk if the area is crowded.


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## Ray (Aug 26, 2012)

Very interesting topic, lol. When I did my scuba dive coarse we were told that its not a good idea to piss in your wetsuit as a) it will rot the stitching. b) urine will do the same as blood in the water, and we dont want that do we. Empty 2Lt water bottle does the job for me and I havent filled it yet, mind you I only used it once and that was out of despiration. Straight in the bin when I got back, easy as.........Cheers


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## GMansfish (Sep 5, 2009)

Buy a hobie, comes with urinal , leg over each side of kayak and piss in the pedal well, water flushes soon as you move off in yak.


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## Bludymick (Apr 5, 2012)

I have practiced and refined my golden rainbow technique 
Thats what I do
Thanks mmmbeer for the training video


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## Barrabundy (Sep 29, 2008)

What Gra said, just piss, yes in your pants, get out in waist deep water when you get back to shore. It's not like you're sharing the kayak with anyone.


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## koich (Jul 25, 2007)

dicko69 said:


> some really good responses here ...i made up a bit of hose that will go down the scupper hole ...
> im still not that keen of gettin home and smelling like sweat bloodd guts and urine...i just got a new kayak seat aswell so im not pissing on it yet ...
> and as for taking a quick swim or jumping in the water haha no thanks ive seen some pretty big sharks where im fishing ....


If you're fishing where I think you are fishing. Then yep. Getting in the water isn't really wise


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## keza (Mar 6, 2007)




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## rodrocket (Apr 24, 2012)

Hahahahahahah :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 
Stops pregnacies to0............


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## Squidley (May 8, 2010)

Yeah I second the Hobie suggestion, they have a whole range of kayaks specifically made to be pissed through.


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## dicko69 (Feb 13, 2012)

well today i was out very early was on the bommie as the sun was comming up and got to try out my new piece of leftover clear hose from when i made up my live bait tank it did work well no mess ...its just a length of hose that goes over the side ... i wasnt game to stick it down the scupper holes i get a fair bit of water washing up through them with the swell and chop ... theres quite a few kayakers out there who are happy enough to just piss themselves, thats a bit strange i think


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## Barrabundy (Sep 29, 2008)

I'm no hydraulic expert but my limited experience tells me that liquid won't run uphill. This means that, unless your dick is above the level of the side of your kayak, you're going to have to residual liquid left in the tube which is mostly likely going to wet you once you remove your dick from the tube.....potentially as messy as just pissing yourself but with nowhere near the same level of warm outer glow.


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## theclick (Jun 25, 2007)

Barrabundy said:


> I'm no hydraulic expert but my limited experience tells me that liquid won't run uphill. This means that, unless your dick is above the level of the side of your kayak, you're going to have to residual liquid left in the tube which is mostly likely going to wet you once you remove your dick from the tube.....potentially as messy as just pissing yourself but with nowhere near the same level of warm outer glow.


There is a way around this. If you submerge the tube until all the air is out, then leave one end in the water, and somehow seal the other end with your pecker so that no water escapes, then it should completely drain aslong as the main vain remains above sea level.

Sounds all too complex for me. Instead, aim sideways and maintain pressure at all times!


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## john316 (Jan 15, 2009)

get an AI and sail hard across the wind till everything is wet and nobody will know the difference :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Zed (Sep 18, 2006)

Nah not rude. Rude is titling something like "How do you $hit on a ScupperPro and Stay Dry?"


kayakone said:


> Dicko69 - you seem to be revolted by the though of having piss on you. May I ask a question?


Again I have to stress, _as long as it's your own_.

I use the footwell/scupper flush technique. 2 or 3, 0~3kts and you're flushed. Just keep your booties out of the footwell in the flush process. There will be a bit of dribble on deck. Sponge it squid.


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## SharkNett (Feb 20, 2006)

As others have said, you have a hobie so slide onto centre hatch and aim down the drive well. Easy enough even is a bit of swell.


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## andybear (Jan 15, 2006)

I normally have a bit of toweling in the yak for slurping up sea water where its not needed.
I find the same object can be ppppppd on, and then wrung out in the briny. Good for low pressure outlets, stage fright etc.

Cheers all andybear :shock: :shock:


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## Rick (Dec 19, 2006)

Shit ....too much information...I really have to stop checking the forum during the lunch break


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## Squidley (May 8, 2010)

I gotta say I've paid for not wanting a smelly wetsuit on a long trip. I got away with just a day long hangover but it could've been worse. Hydration is so much more important.


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## shabby (Mar 24, 2011)

BigGee said:


> Pissing's easy, it's when you need to dump things turn ugggggggggly.
> 
> Gee


That's why they invented the term "aqua turd"


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## dicko69 (Feb 13, 2012)

Barrabundy said:


> I'm no hydraulic expert but my limited experience tells me that liquid won't run uphill. This means that, unless your dick is above the level of the side of your kayak, you're going to have to residual liquid left in the tube which is mostly likely going to wet you once you remove your dick from the tube.....potentially as messy as just pissing yourself but with nowhere near the same level of warm outer glow.


yeah i thought about this in my seat i can kind of shuffle onto my side a bit no mess so far


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## GlenelgKiller (Mar 13, 2012)

Hobie bottle is perfect for the job. Although with the PA i can just stand up and let fly!


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## paffoh (Aug 24, 2006)

"...Its amazing, dude..."

"...Wow, and thats it?..."

"Build, build, build... explode"

"Good job man, thats awesome..."


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## Squidley (May 8, 2010)

That video still is fantastic, I'm ready to learn.


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## keza (Mar 6, 2007)

Did you google "Journey Through The Inside Passage" to find that ?
There may be a knock at your door soon


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## Game fisher (Jul 5, 2006)

Cut down a 2l milk bottle to size (cup size), with a U shape for the "fella" to hang in.


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## richmond (Dec 20, 2010)

dicko69 said:


> wat do u mean just piss ??? i only ever wear boardies in my yak but dude piss soaked pants and a piss soaked kayak seat isnt cool ...


Aren't you ''big'' enough to get it out of your lifted up leg of your boardies?? :lol:


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## GetSharkd (Feb 1, 2012)

Mr hobie designed a hole in my yak, I just piss down the mirage drive well 

I've read else where of blokes dropping number 2's down there too , better hope it wasn't a floater :lol:


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## Squidley (May 8, 2010)

No problem, a few pumps on the pedals and it'll disperse, just like the blender trick.


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## micky74 (Sep 1, 2012)

mate funny you should ask. I made my second trip offshore last weekend and was dying for a piss. In the end I straddled the yak and moved to the front scupper holes. Yak was stable. It was the last solution otherwise I was ready to just piss my pants and throw some water over me.


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## Barrabundy (Sep 29, 2008)

After today''s midday outing in synthetic attire I smelt like a wet dog bed that's been pissed in and I hadn''t even pissed my pants!


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## Dodge (Oct 12, 2005)

With 5 pages of replies relating to the topic of the thread, is this what is meant by "getting on the piss with your mates"?


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## Squidley (May 8, 2010)

For the opportunity to frankly discuss this serious topic I thank the original poster, Dicko Sixty-nine.


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## brant78 (Jun 24, 2012)

Paff that golden rainbow thing is a classic. I would build build etc and then still get it all over me. 
I use a bottle, plain and simple.
You been fishing lately? MIssed out on some cracker carp sessions.


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## dicko69 (Feb 13, 2012)

Squidley said:


> For the opportunity to frankly discuss this serious topic I thank the original poster, Dicko Sixty-nine.


i had no idea that the topic would generate so many good and funny responses .....as for that golden rainbow vid the guy is a deadset legend , however i think that sort of thing takes alot of practice ....


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## Junglefisher (Jun 2, 2008)

I've been in public areas where realistically, just letting go has been the only option. Just jump out into waist deep water when you come back in. Make sure your shorts don't catch any handles / toggles as you jump out or you'll flip your yak.
I've also used the container, golden rainbow and mirage drive well method.
Whatever works on the day.


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## goanywhere (Feb 22, 2011)

dicko69 said:


> Squidley said:
> 
> 
> > For the opportunity to frankly discuss this serious topic I thank the original poster, Dicko Sixty-nine.
> ...


I think that method is great for under 50's. ;-) That build, build, push thing looks promising. I think I'll try that next time. The problem is compounded in winter when it's cold:

- Because it's so cold you wait until you're absolutely busting, so the risk of an explosion is greater.

- Multiple layers on, takes ages to get ready, you risk running out of time. 

- Old fella tries to hybernate, can't find it, or it's not that flexible. :lol: :lol:

In winter I try to have a pee just before I go out. At least then I've usually got a good 3 hours before the danger light comes on.


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## suehobieadventure (Feb 17, 2009)

Hilarious reading guys, so many different perspectives :lol:


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## keza (Mar 6, 2007)

suehobieadventure said:


> Hilarious reading guys, so many different perspectives :lol:


Fancy offering a totally different perspective Sue ?
:lol:


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## suehobieadventure (Feb 17, 2009)

The plumbings different :lol: I am with john sail flat out into the wind everything is wet no one knows if you did or didn't :shock: In contrast my sea kayak is a totally dry ride and I like to keep it that way. Wow the ebay equipment would be fine on a boat but on a hobie there is nowhere to hide and the couple of times I have attempted to pee without a swim i invariably have a curious boatie nearby. So in summary there is no easy way for either gender.


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## gcfisho (Oct 31, 2009)

If you get a hobie livewell you can dump as well.


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## MY03VY (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm with the Hobie drink bottle... bloody useless things to drink from (and leak like a sieve)... huge opening though which would be perfect to piss in.


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## Berger (Aug 13, 2012)

Well I have to say I am a little disappointed with this topic.

No one has dealt with the more pressing issue of Number Twos.

Is there a YouTube segment on this? A chocolate rainbow, perhaps???


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## koich (Jul 25, 2007)

PM Gatesy.


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## keza (Mar 6, 2007)

koich said:


> PM Gatesy.


Holder of the prestigious Brown Fish award.


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## Berger (Aug 13, 2012)

Hmm. I suspect then that Gatesy will remain as mute as a blind mullet.

Goanywhere however already has a solution.


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## keza (Mar 6, 2007)

Just line your centre hatch with one of those bags.


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## Ado (Mar 31, 2008)

This topic has such a wealth of useful information that it's crying out for inclusion in AKFF Select.
But I just can't bring myself.


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