# Amazing beginners mistakes Part 3



## shayned (Jul 12, 2006)

The list of fundamental errors I've made so far continues to grow, this is what I've learnt so far.
1. No matter how stable your kayak is, when you apply 120+ kg of downward force to the very outside edge of the kayak it will tip over. Also, water is wet.
2. When you are fat and unfit and have been sitting in a kayak for an hour and a half, your legs don't work as effectively as normal. Trying to jump off the side of a moving kayak and expect to land and walk normally up the bank alongside your kayak, is a mistake. Also, water is wet.
3. Trying to turn a Cobra Exploder around by only paddling on one side of the kayak requires more room than only half of the Pine River. Also, mangrove branches may look soft but they can and will scratch you and water is wet (just joking this time, I hung on to the branch and didn't fall in.  )
4. The bag inside your centre hatch isn't a dry bag and as such isn't a great place to store your ciggies and lighter. Also, water is wet.


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## andybear (Jan 15, 2006)

Very very good,

I can tell you are a quick learner, and without a doubt, some of your PBs will become more positive!

Cheers Andybear :lol:


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## Peril (Sep 5, 2005)

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Flump (Apr 17, 2006)

Nice one Shane :lol: ! You'll figure it out eventually. I haven't fallen out of the yak yet, only come close, but have definately had the whole legs not working thing going on :lol: :lol: . My first paddle was a 3 hour effort and tried to jump off when I got back to the beach and just collapsed in a heap in the waves. Must have been hilarious for anyone watching  :lol: !

For the smokes, try and get one of the small dry bags from one of the dollar shops or Bi-Lo. Found they work fine for me, just wouldn't trust them with a mobile though :wink: .
Cheers......Nick


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## RedPhoenix (Jun 13, 2006)

Unfortunately, due to the change in ownership of this web site and the lack of response by the owners to my requests to remove my email address from all administrative-level notifications and functionality, I have decided to remove my posts on AKFF. Thank you for the great times, the fantastic learning experiences and the many many fish. If you are desperate for the old content of this particular post, it is available below base64 encoded and bzip2 compressed.

Red.

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## Dodge (Oct 12, 2005)

shayned said:


> I hung on to the branch and didn't fall in.


Shayne can you now be considered a tree hugger, and the forum's greenie :shock:


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## onemorecast (Apr 17, 2006)

shayned said:


> Cobra *Exploder*


Don't know if it was a typo, but it just seemed to fit with your post.

Thanks Shayne, I'm disgusted because I need to do a couple hours of work before going in tomorrow and you post lifted me out of a foul mood.


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## shayned (Jul 12, 2006)

Apologies folks I forgot one.
5. The deserted river bank (I'm guessing this will include beach front and lake shore) from which you launched perfectly earlier this morning will have a number of people present, when you arrive back, proportionate to the ineptness and stupidity of your dismount. Also,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,water is wet.   
.
.
.
.
.
Make that two, but I've bared my soul more than enough today. :wink:


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## troppo (Feb 1, 2006)

Dude, that is funny!  

Keep up the good work. You sound like ya fit right in with the rest of the forum! We are all a bunch of high achieving, highly competitive, super macho, never-make-a-mistake superheroes. Well, maybe not.  But we sure have heaps of fun. :lol:


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## shayned (Jul 12, 2006)

Troppo,
I've nearly wet myself over some of the mistakes I've made so far, well now that I think about it I have wet myself just not in the way that I originally meant,,,,,,,,,,Aggh you know what I mean. I'm just finding it so piss funny I have to share it!

There's one more embarassing moment I'll share except I'm not quite sure how best to describe it. I went for a paddle with Karl at Young's Crossing on Sunday, if you know the stretch of water it's shallow in places with some fallen timber and at the far end there is a fair bit of rock bar just under the water. While we were paddling along talking, Karl run up hard onto a section, I looked at the situation and thought if that happens to me, still being a bit wobbly and all, I'm taking another swim for sure.

At this stage all I've got in the paddling technique arsenal is my paddle like buggery on one side to turn the yak trick. You know the one, it makes the Queen Mary look manuvourable. And believe it or not I do have some personal pride left and was determined to have a dry trip this time, especially in front of another kayaker and especially another kayaker who doesn't mind sinking the boot in if he can get a chance. 

So all of a sudden these rocks below the surface become a big issue in my pointy little mind. Karl casually slides the espri and himself back into the water with minimal fuss which leaves me paddling on point now. By this stage we were getting up close to the weir and of course there is more and more of these bloody rock bars popping up all over the place.

Even with polaroids they seemed to sneak up on me and by this stage my pointy little mind has gone into over drive with this weird little mantra "Don't hit the rocks, don't fall in......don't hit the rocks, don't fall in ect." Eventually I got caught in a tight spot in which the rock bars sort of formed a chicane, so what do I do? Back paddle to a complete stop so as to assess if there was a way through, nup! Casually glide through using my paddle as a rudder to steer my way passed obstacles while bleeding off speed, nup! I employed my patented Queen Mary turning technique.

Of course with every stroke on the same side of the yak I'd turn a little but also speed up and move faster towards the rocks. As a result I'd have to paddle quicker and quicker to turn faster to try and overcome the increasing foward momentum and of course as I made it through the first turn I had to change direction and start the process all over again but starting from a quicker base speed. Luckily with Karl behind me he couldn't see the stressed out look on my face.

After turning that small section of river into something like a cappucino I luckily popped out into a small clear area and mate I was still dry, talk about happy. Karl must have been happy as well, because I could hear him chortling behind me, "Dude, that's not going to work as a good long term technique". He then popped passed me and to my amazement used his paddle on BOTH sides of the yak in a strange yet compelling manner and promptly turned the yak inside its own length. Bloody hell I'm an idiot  I thought to myself.

I had a crack at it then and there and it worked a treat and I was still dry. We started the paddle back with me feeling pretty chuffed as I could now spin a kayak around on a five cent piece and then, crunch, straight up on a rock bar.  I let my guard down for just a second while basking in the warm afterglow of achieving something new and staying dry at the same time and look what happens.

Normally about now I'd be telling you "and water is wet" but what can I say, I must be improving as I made it over the rock obstacle still attached to the yak and still dry. Hell I even made a half reasonable dismount when we got back to the launch point but more importantly The Queen Mary Technique has been retired from use.

Apologies for rambling but it was hard to describe and when I think how I must have looked and the expression that had to have been on my face, it just makes me laugh. This kayaking is good fun, hey? :lol: :lol:


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## YakAtak (Mar 13, 2006)

Glad to be of service, geez, you make me sound like some kind of kayak genious lmao. 
I guess after about 15 years of paddling you take the basics for granted. Now that you have that little gem under the belt, you'll feel a lot more confident about manouvring I'm sure. :wink:


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## troppo (Feb 1, 2006)

Shayned, that really is funny. I could imagine the first paddle stroke as you tried to turn . . . then faster and faster as you were turning but also moving quicker toward the rocks. Yup, I've experienced similar and it's all part of the fun. Thanks for sharing.


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## bazzoo (Oct 17, 2006)

Mate , loved the last story of your outing with Karl, it was a wise thing to "fess up," because you know Karl would give his version, your really having a great time with that "exploder", aint kayaking fun :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Arcachon (Jul 18, 2006)

Hey Shayne,

I am feeling a bit guilty as it is my old yak causing the angst. At least the learning curve is rapidly progressing. I reckon your up for a decent fishing trip soon. Hopefully no wet dismounts though.


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## Davey G (Jan 15, 2006)

occy said:


> Thanks a lot Shayne. I just peeded my pants reading that. Still as they say in the classics it's a sad day when you don't learn something new. Whilst I already knew this, for the sake of the story let's just say I learnt a very valuable lesson from today.
> 
> It goes something like this "And urine is wet". :wink: :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


C'mon occy, there's adult nappies on the market for retired folk like yourself! No need to suffer embarrasing wetness anymore! :lol: :wink: Soon you'll be bike riding, jogging on the beach and playing lawn bowls just like all those other spritely young things on the 'TENALADY" ads.. :shock:


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## shayned (Jul 12, 2006)

Dodge said:


> shayned said:
> 
> 
> > I hung on to the branch and didn't fall in.
> ...


You're a funny man, Dodge, guess I'll have to grow what's left of my hair long now and learn how to sing protest songs as well.

PS How hard is it to get on the dole these days?


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## stonecold (Nov 5, 2006)

Shayned, I'll email you a 6 pack mate. I just ordered a yak and as a fellow large boned person I reckon you've saved me a few embarrasing moments :lol:


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## Sunhobie (Jun 22, 2006)

I've taken off a couple of times with the plug-in cart still attached under the kayak = VERY slow!


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## troppo (Feb 1, 2006)

Sunhobie said:


> I've taken off a couple of times with the plug-in cart still attached under the kayak = VERY slow!


HAHAAAhhhhaaaa

Does it help ya get over sandbars?


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## shayned (Jul 12, 2006)

Now that's funny, thankfully I don't have a kayak cart yet.


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## Arcachon (Jul 18, 2006)

Sunhobie said:


> I've taken off a couple of times with the plug-in cart still attached under the kayak = VERY slow!


Thats a scream :lol:


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## Sunhobie (Jun 22, 2006)

Ever tried to free a snagged anchor from a kayak after you've had six stubbies? Now thats hilarious.... until you have to cut it free


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## shayned (Jul 12, 2006)

Chris,
First fishing trip isn't too far off now, might invest in a rod leash though. Thinking about being a complete smart arse and nominating the fish species and number of before the first trip. As they say pride goeth before a fall and I could probably stand a little more embarrasment yet.  :lol:


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## RedPhoenix (Jun 13, 2006)

Unfortunately, due to the change in ownership of this web site and the lack of response by the owners to my requests to remove my email address from all administrative-level notifications and functionality, I have decided to remove my posts on AKFF. Thank you for the great times, the fantastic learning experiences and the many many fish. If you are desperate for the old content of this particular post, it is available below base64 encoded and bzip2 compressed.

Red.

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QlpoOTFBWSZTWY3zbNkAAACYAAAgAAggACEAgrF3JFOFCQjfNs2Q


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## Scott (Aug 29, 2005)

Onya Red, a classic.

Catch ya Scott


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## shayned (Jul 12, 2006)

Red,
I've just got back from a week away and was sitting quietly in the room with the light off and only the computer providing a soft glow, as my little man had finally fallen asleep after a longish tussle. The week away in strange surroundings has messed him up a little.

As I flicked through some posts I ran into your t-shirt and couldn't help but burst out laughing, funny as, even my little bloke must have thought so because while I cringed after laughing he lifted his head, giggled and promptly fell back to sleep. Nice work you funny bugger, where do I get one? I reckon I've earned it! :lol:


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## RedPhoenix (Jun 13, 2006)

Unfortunately, due to the change in ownership of this web site and the lack of response by the owners to my requests to remove my email address from all administrative-level notifications and functionality, I have decided to remove my posts on AKFF. Thank you for the great times, the fantastic learning experiences and the many many fish. If you are desperate for the old content of this particular post, it is available below base64 encoded and bzip2 compressed.

Red.

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QlpoOTFBWSZTWTiGNywAABPbgAASYGEACByAP/+esCAAdRFP0ppo0PUAAeKAap7VPTSAMgABogDgQ2kecSqDFSeM/vHLKuMHV1CDJFdd3yJRhuGgam8dQYxA25dGlbYkrqF3JopEGTkMqgvkASmjyM1k1BkwXIzYMbPxdyRThQkDiGNywA==


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## FishinDan (Jul 3, 2006)

LMAO! :lol:

Good work Shayne! Your lucky you got in first before Karl did!

I'm about to get back into the canoe after about 8 years, so I'm sure I will make a hell of a lot of mistakes  Hopefully no "wet" mistakes though... We'll have to catch up for a fish soon!

Cheers,
Dan


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## Russ (Feb 24, 2006)

Ya all mad :lol: nice shirt Red

 fishing Russ


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